Reading Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold assisted me in easing some of the pain brought by the death of my two grandmothers and I hope that by writing this post I can share my painful experience and like the characters in the novel, I can learn how to let go.
It's been almost two weeks since we started traveling to and from Trece Martirez Cavite, to visit and see the deterioting condition of my lola Nena, (tatay's mom). A week before that she was already hospitalized, I wasnt able to visit because she was confined while FAME and IFEX was ongoing. But through the doctor's explanation, and how my family see her, we already know that she will leave us soon. Atleast we are somewhat prepared.
During our town Fiesta, May 12, 2010 Lola Trining (Mama's mom) is our VIP visitor. She ate the food that I cooked, attended the mass together and we went to Jolibee to eat fries and mango pies. We were so happy as we tour around Sta. Ana, her hometown. I am pushing her wheelchair while sharing stories with her and my cousins. While we were enjoying ourselves I receives text messages from my parents that my Tito Nestor (mama's brother) will be picking up my Lola, tita susan, sienna and Hailee so they can all go home in Las Pinas. But we were enjoying ourselves so much that we didn't hurry. My tito left my Lola and Tita Susan's family because he was in a hurry :( that left them no option but to ride a taxi home. I hailed the cab for them and made sure that the driver is nice and willing so my lola will have a safe trip back to her house. Never did I know that it will be my last bonding with my Lola, that it will be the very last time I will see her smile.
May 15 and 16: weekend we were in Cavite to be with Lola Nena.
May 17, Monday 10pm: Rommel and I followed my family Trece Martirez Cavite, because Lola Nena is very sick and weak, we sang and prayed for her. we went home around 4am.
May18, Tuesday: Halfday in the office because I am very tired and sleepy.
May 19 Wednesday, we went back to Cavite with the choir to pray and sing for Lola Nena
May 20 Thursday, Hafday again. I am also sick maybe because of fatigue. but around 4pm my cousins called to inform me that Lola Trining was rushed to the hospital, she was weak and she suddenly refused to eat. :( By 5pm they called again telling me that my Lola was transferred in the Intensive Care Unit. Rommel and I went to Imus Cavite Our Lady of Pillar Hospital to see my Lola Trining. I cried in seeing her so weak with only tubes and machines supporting her :( My parents followed us in the hospital. My mother was crying with me, the doctor is there but she can't bring herself to discuss the situation with the doctor so I have to be strong and assist her, the doctor informed me that my Lola is in a very bad state. No blood pressure and there are obvious discoloration in her hands and feet. We left the hospital around 10pm because the nurse won't let us in since visiting hours id already over. My mother and I prayed and believed that likle the first time she will be ok. She will get better. we were home by 12am. i dozed off quickly due to fatigue.
May 21, 2010 Friday 5am: me and my sisters were awakened by my crying mother. "Naghihingalo na si lola nena" so we packed some things and travelled to TMC again. on our way to Cavite, I tried to sleep and to rest my mind and body but Sienna is texting me that Lola Trining is so weak and still no sign of BP. that according to the doctor there might be no chance of her surviving. I almost broke down but I composed myself thinking that I can't announce what is happening for conflict may arise on where we must go first, I also know that my mother can't handle this much pain so I handled it alone first. I informed Sienna that I will go to Imus as soon as I checked my Lola Nena in Trece. I prayed again and trusted that Lola Trining by some miracle will still get better.
In TMC, we all cried while praying for the soul of my Lola Nena, her pupils are already dilated and we know that its only a matter of time before she leave us. My mother hugged her begging not to take Lola Trining yet. I received another phone call this time its from my tita Liane mama's closest sister she cried on my ear telling me that Lola Trining is now brain dead and that my tito Nestor and his wife wants the plug to be pulled down. I cried yet again and I firmly asked them not to, I want my Lola to die a natural death not by Euthanasia, I requested if they can wait for me and my mother, we want to see her one last time. I have no choice but to tell my mother what is happening in the other side of the family, but when I announced that Lola Trining is already brain dead, my mother collapsed in pain. she lost her consciousness. I was crying so hard asking for forgiveness to my father but we need to hurry or we might not see my Lola Trining even with a little life again.
Minutes after we left TMC to head to Imus, my sisters called me, they were left in TMC for my Lola Nena, they told me that after we go, at 9:55 Lola Nena breathe her last. I asked them not to move the body, I want to hug her and I want my father to see her one last time before embalming. Again they asked me not to say it to my parents first for they might not take it anymore. Again I have to carry the burden alone. I was crying so hard, I am even mad at the driver for being so slow and for passing all those traffic routes. AGAIN minutes before we arrive in Imus, at 10:55 my Lola Trining died.
It was like I was trapped in limbo while all my Lola's, my second mothers are dying, I wasnt even able to see them as they draw their last breath. This time I broke down, I was shouting and crying asking them why didn't they wait for me. and Im sorry Lola's but I was crying so hard at that time telling you that I can't accept it yet. The pain is overwhelming, the hurt is more than what I can handle. If this is this painful for me, how much more for my parents? after some short discussions on where Lola Trining's wake and interment will be, we went back to TMC for Lola Nena's remains.
We travelled back and forth to pray and sing for my Lola's. Lola Nena was in TMC Sepacio Valdez funeral homes, while Lola trining is in Holy Trinity Parañaque. amidst physical and emotional pain we performed our duties of sending them to heaven through our prayers and songs. Lola Trining was buried beside Lolo Nick in Manila Memorial Parañaque, that was sunday May 23, exactly 6 months after her husband's (lolo Nick's) death. while Lola Nena was cremated at the Chinese Cemetery like what we did for LOlo taba 4 years ago.
Farewell Lola Trining... Farewell Lola Nena...
I will never forget you, I will always love you!
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