+Zane

After more than three months of mourning for Zane and celebrating our wedding - it seems I finally have the courage to talk about Zane, our baby that was never born. 


 Rommel and I ALMOST had our bundle of joy. We were happy and afraid at the same time, happy that finally - we will be a family of three, that we will not be jealous of our friends who already have little versions of themselves, and afraid because we know that my parents will be furious at us since we are not yet married.


What a difficult pregnancy it was. There were lots of bleeding, medicines and crying. I think the baby is not properly seeded in my womb that made it weak. But I have to start organizing our wedding which is a very tasking feat - I don't want Zane to be born without a proper marriage for us, so through sweat and blood we have to raise money and come up with a simple yet decent and memorable ceremony for our do. 


 After my second visit to the OB, i was advised to have full bed rest and I am only allowed to stand up if I'll take a bath. I AM EVEN NOT ALLOWED TO ARRANGE MY OWN WEDDING. 


Sadly,  I wasn't able to follow my doctors advice because of many reasons, and it resulted to one of the biggest tragedies in my life - losing someone that I don't have yet. March 16, 2011 - we discovered Zane inside my womb. April 17, 2011 - after an excruciating pain in m tummy - our baby lost its heartbeat. People say Zane is not yet the one meant for me and my husband and for her or his sake we have to continue living and eventually start our own family.