Motherhood is catharsis

inspired by my blog detailing my cousin's ordeal when she gave birth to Hailee, I thought that its a good idea. Why not put all my experiences into words that Paige might someday read. :)

Catharsis. If I have to describe motherhood in one word, it will definitely be catharsis.

May 1 - all throughout the pregnancy naman, masakit talaga and lagi akong may contractions kaya I had to stop working and stay at home, sacrifice - mother eh :) pero ang May 1 ay bongga. Baka nakiisa si paige sa labor day kaya naglabor kami bigla. Pagdating sa hospital - 1cm pa lang pala. Fail! so what rommel and I did - nagpatagtag we headed to Glorieta for a movie date - Avengers kami napunta instead na sa operating room.

on and off ang pain but still 1cm pa din.

May 6 - nag robinsons naman kami :) with regine, pagpasok pa lang ng mall na feel ko na parang there's water trickling down from my undies. mahina lang pero its so wet. kinabahan kami baka water bag ko na yun so we went to Manila Doctors. true enough, nag leak na ang water bag ko and dapat na ko maadmit. pinaglakad pa din ako kahit sa loob ng OB complex dahil hindi pa ako fully dilated.

May 7 - akala ko this is the day na. the pain is killing me na and they had to sedate me because I became restless with the pain. there are moments when the sedation doesn't seem to work anymore, it's a struggle to sleep and I am not allowed to eat or drink.

May 8 - I am fervently praying that anytime soon I'll deliver Paige na. I am talking to her that its now okay and that she'll be safe, I am actually shouting, pleading for them to proceed with the CS operation but according to the OB's of Madocs they need to justify why it has to be CS. Until finally around 7PM, I reached 8cm so from the labor room, we are now off to the operating room.

8PM - inside the operating room - I am trying to deliver my baby, the contractions are really eratic now and its as if Paige is kicking her way out. Unfortunately, the OB's ruled out the possibility of a normal delivery because Paige cannot fit it in my sipit sipitan - CS din pala ako babagsak :( They have to change the set up of the operating room from normal delivery equipments to Cesarean paraphernalias. They transferred me to a new bed and injected epidural anesthesia until I can no longer feel anything and I just like to sleep.

8:20pm I heard someone shouting The Baby is out, this pulled me out of my reverie and the first word that I uttered was - Asan? and then I heard the most glorious sound ever - Paige's cry :) right after pulling her out of my tummy, they placed her near my breast and then Paige and me had our very first mother-daughter picture even before they clean her :)