I wish I never met you!

I am surprised that I actually feel this way. I never thought that I am capable of this type of anger.

for the first time I wished that I never knew, met and loved someone. Usually I treat them as a part of my past that made me into what I am now, but he is truly an exception.

I almost thought there's something wrong with me, but as Lyna said, "U know what happens when you hurt people? they may begin to love you less and they may forget that they have loved you once."

I guess that applies to me. I am uber tired of loving him and for caring to whatever he thinks about me.

I just wish that I'll never see him again or that he will not try to contact me. Screw the past that we shared together, you never respected me and I will bestow the same treatment.

pleasantries...

while I was searching ways to spill my thoughts once again on this page, I almost felt that a wonderful topic to write on eludes me. NOW I finally settled to make a lasting memory of some special conversations that can hit the cinemas with all its mushiness... :)

this is a fabulous change of pace, I am certainly not hearing those stabbing phrases that i've been dying to avoid for long, Thank God I have finally decided to leave that stage. BUt the happy thought is that life sometimes offer its rewards by providing an almost well-rehersed but very spontaneous lines of hmmm true love...

let me throw some lines just to preserve those smiling moments. :) I admit that I always stiffle a giggle when I hear him babble about how he loves me. very healthy than to be suffocated with all those heartbreaking stories that I kept before.

anyway, enough of the crap and start with the fun. (he almost made me think that he is planning to be BOb Ong the 2nd. LOL!) Here are some of his perfectly delivered lines (I edited some to fit the screen {hehe} but don't fret the meaning is still entirely the same)

• miss na kita OA level!
• Kung cancer ang pagkamiss ko sau... stage 4 na!
• d q maipapangako na d tayo mag-aaway, na lagi akong nasa mood makipag usap pero sure ako na mamahalin kita ng higit pa sa kung paano kita minahal noon. di ko hahayaang maging malungkot ka sa piling ko.
• mas maingat na ako ngaun, d aq papayag na mawala ka ulit katulad dati.
• (me saying we could be friends if it will not work out) his response: Para mu na ring sinabi na ayaw mu ako mawala pero hindi mu ako kayang mahalin. :'(
• ewan ko ba bakit ba ako balik ng balik sayo.
• Kung pagsasamahin ba ang salitang ikaw at ako... magiging tayo?
• adik na ako sau, mas gugustuhin ko pang malulong kesa mawala ka...
• nakakatawa na yung binalewala ko noon, hinahabol habol ko ngaun.

these all came from my h.s love affair that is coming back for me, I am savoring every minute that he expresses his intent and now its up to me to make it work like the first time. I just wish I still had the vigor for that innocent type of love I once gave him.

my latest literary fantasy

yeah I havent gotten over my charmed addiction and up until now I still love its magical scenes and I even have to read the compelete episode guide available on the net just to complete my craving. While I am enjoying that concurrent addiction Zelle introduced me to another literary fantasy --- TWILIGHT. after Harry Potter the boy wizard now turned matinee idol wizard, and 4 charmed lady witches, I am now into my vampire mode. Finished my twilight ebook with a lot of enthusiasm in 2 days and now I am starting on the next, the second installation -- NEW MOON.

maybe my all out of love set up now conjured my giggles for the human-vampire love affair but with all honesty I really believe that Stepanie Meyer did an excellent job with the twilight series. and its really exciting to wait for that movie version that will flood the cinemas on the 21st of November.

really looking forward to meet the Edward of my life. :) :(

internal havoc

just got through one of CITEM's big events. such a relief that we were able to pull it off with flying colors and now we can or I in particular could relax.

Now, let me face the dread that I felt dat faithful day of October 18, 2008, Saturday 3rd day of MFI. When Yoshiko Sato (invited Japanese Press for MFI) and I was roaming around the San Agustin church and museum. I mentioned to her that San Agustin is a favorite spot for weddings and as usual the church is having one when we arrived. Then I dont know why or how it happened or how that feeling started to engulf me. I was saddened by the trip, Y Im also asking that to myself. I almost wanted to entertain the idea that maybe I want to be on that bride position, but no I know thats not what I want.

plus I know that I did something bad today and I am so guilty why do I have to be in that place at that time doing that thing. I learned my lesson the hard way. :(

I remembered Richard's blog about not being loved as the toughest and meanest form of poverty which I certainly agree with because a life without love is not life at all.

maybe I am all out of love,

Am I too silly to expect someone new and too blind to see the present?

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tap the limitless minds of its members and enjoy a worry-free celebration.

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charmed

got one of my birthday wishes, a copy of CHARMED 8 seasons. After I got it, I can't let a day pass without watching atleast a single episode. and I can say that I am really hooked. Then I thought I have a funny choice of TV programs.

allow me to list down my favorite TV series, movie and Animes.

I haven't decided yet the particular order so I am presenting it to you in random.

1. the plight of the four sisters. Charmed

2. gruesome anime's like Hunter x Hunter and Ghostfighter

3. X-men series and movies

4. harry Potter books 1-7 and movies

5. Sky-High a movie about superhero schools.

6. Charlie's Angels

As you can see, the list is composed of sci-fi, animation, magical, powerful and extra-ordinary characters. They all have action-packed scenes.

Going back to my latest reason of sleepless nights, I like it ever since I started seeing some of its episode re runs. then I just felt like I want to watch it from start to finish and now here I am knowing the story ny heart.

I like Prue and Phoebe Halliwell the most. although Piper and Paige are also competitive.

I like the story so much I just hope, Prue didnt have to go early cause I really like her character. :)

I hope I can write something like this in the future.

SCTEP inc. (mahaba habang basa to Guys!)

Just had good time with my best friends in college last Sept 22-23 nung cineleb namin ang muntik nang hindi matuloy na b-day bash for me. Still inspired with the irony of events that took place that faithful Monday. :) kasi just when I was about to give up in making all our ends meet, thinking that atleast one of the 4 girls would suffice my craving for a decent conversation with my alter ego's, it still happened. By some magic or fate or whatever you call it, at the last stroke of faith that I have, we still had come up with a brilliant plan of seeing each other.

And its much more than that, we had a blast, atleast I had. we have special visitors pa! andun si: Robin, cathy's staple partner since we were 1st year college. Ryan, tin's partner for atleast 4 years na din I guess. NYl, my on and off love affair with our exciting twist and turns. Albert, momy shayne's silent type pseudo boyfriend. and ofcourse last but not the least, Tita cors, our ever reliable friend na tita ni ryan was also there to grace the occasion.

and yes, I call them my alter ego. Why? kasi I believe that friendship formed during college leaves a very great impact that can be compared to other years. Secondary years is all about playing, confused stages and a lot of raging hormones pero in college, dun yung matira matibay as others may put it. We're already mature enough to know if that particular person will be good for us.

ako, I know that I am uber blessed. Imagine having 4 dose of sanity keepers. Whenever i feel like nakakabaliw ang problema ko and some other rants na inaangal ko, bigla ko maiisip may mas baliw pa sa akin. Hahaha! my friends who as momy shayne put it mirror our personalities in one way or another. Haay! It's overwhelming to know that I have 4 extensions of myself, para na silang mga kapatid ko, here are some bitter sweet moments that I shared with them during our 4 years together sa confinement ng Intramuros.

I remember one psycho test namin at ang aming prof was too keen to call us barbarics so we tagged her as that. Tapos sa end ng exam the last question is ano ang name ng teacher na ito, at muntik ng maisagot ni eliza sa exam nya, Mrs. Barbaric Hahaha! funny diba!

I remember Momy being in love kay Hans. Cathy's exciting stories about meeting ang loving Robin. ang aming lunch sa 664, anak ni 664, pag mayaman minsan sa Suquis (tama ba spelling) at sa Mcdo and SM na area kapag nakikipag meet kami sa mga potential love lifes na we call generations haha. generation ng Cubao boys, Malate boys at kung cnu cno pa. sayang yung mga tym na yun kasi wala si cathy madalas kasi siyang napapahiwlay ng block but still we make it a point na maging updated sa isa't isa.

ofcourse may petty fights din, saka may extra friends like Godjoy and Richard and Candy and Settie na hindi kasundo ni cathy. hahaha!
Guys help me out here, anu ba ang mga kwentong away natin sus ang dami nun, the one I vividly remember lang yung 4 is to one nanagalit tayo kay tin because she left us during many sessions ng ating prized docu-thesis where we got a staggering very good grade, highest honor na binigay ng professors, kaya yes we are proud with that. Pinaghandaan namin ni cath un, I know its a big responsibility na video thesis un at tayong 5 pa ang magkakasama. sobrtang daming over nights na halos lagi sa amin dahil sorry guys hindi ako pinapayagan kaya nagtitiis kayo na sa amin magsleep kahit mas comfortable kina Tin. Thanks for that sacrifice! atleast applause ang grade natin diba. Bow! kaya lang it made us lose Tin for a time. It created animosity kaya napalayo tuloy xa, Imagine sumugod kaming 4 just to get Tin's attention na Hey we have a thesis to finish and you got to practice for the defense. Little did we know that she is already pregnant at that time and thats the time that she needs us more than ever. usual retort namin Haay nakakasira talaga ng pagkakaibigan ang Thesis. kahit wala ako habang nagsisigawan sila dahil ako kasama my then boyfriend Pipoy (who all of you knows that he's my ...) hahaha May singit na ganun. Hindi kami makapasok kasi taga dun si sabo na pinsan ni ryan at pamangkins ni tita cors na ex ko! hahaha. pero I can still feel the tension based sa graphic stories nila while they recount what happened inside.

Forgive me guys kung patalon talon ang timeline ko, Im just narrating as how memories start to come into me. kaya hindi sunod-sunod. anu pa ba? Siyempre ang problem ni Momy na bunga ng kanyang porn moments haha! she shares us her experiences so vividly that it usually occupies our kwentuhan moments. kaya lang p-reggy na din siya and she is not even spilling it to us, wag nanatin ulitin un yung hindi magshashare kasi yan tuloy nagkakasabit. anyway anu pa ba.

masaya din yung pagawa ng napakaraming projects na madalas na reason para makapunta tayo kung saan saan. Shawarma days with Mike, Pizza Hut nights with tita cors, Dinner sa kenny rogers sa Robinsons na nainip si Robin dahil sa tagal ni Pipoy! haha beat that guys pagandahan ng alaala. nagkainitan si Gerry at si OOk sa Bulacan. billiards with the Malate boys. Movie house escapades pag horror na nasisira ang damit ko sa takot ni momy. anu pa bang pinanood natin noon? Gamitan na nadapa si momy shayne sa isle hahaha!

at ang classic! na staple biruan Smoking, Smoking is... waaaah! kidding aside nag alala kaming lahat nun, lahat kami di malaman ang gagawin, nakatayo sa gilid at harap ni tin para sabihing kaya mu yan girl!

Tapos my ever favorite first time namin mag out of town na sobrang lapit hahaha sa Marikina lang! Kasama sila Muse, Bryan at cla Joan d q alam name ng barkada nila pati cla zurita na later pinagseselosan naming 4 for tin's attention. pero inferness Three days kami dun ang saya sa house ni Meline, tapos extra challenge pa yung concept so it added all the fun. and to top it all kunpleto tayong 5 at that time kaklase natin si cathy! tapos the ever dramatic, Serapio na directorial debut ni Cathy at Acting break ko ni momy at eliza.

tapos guys remember 3 times akong nawalan ng phone tapos may one time pa na papunta tayo sa Island Cove para mag shoot ng assignment then na snatch yung phone ko so mega habol ako and sigaw. Kasunod ko c Tin tapos c momy nahuhuli hingal at may dalang tri pod, d makaabot hehehe. may lunuran factor naman pag dating sa Island Cove hehehe. And as i can remember may tampuhan din.

isa pang incident na pagkawala ko ng Phone dinner treat ni candy sa SM at late na tayo sa sociology! pero Im glad Eliza and cathy never left me habang nagwawala ako sa pagkawala ng buong bag ko sa SM food court mejo 1 year din akong d bumaba dun ah after that incident.

Pero all in all kahit I cant remember everything, Ang saya pa din ng lahat ng experiences na yun, Guys I invite y0u to comment here tapos mag add pa ng other happenings na namiss out ko hehehe.

Now the question remains SINO kaya ang unang ikakasal sa amin? pero whoever that is I know will be friends until the rest of our time kahit matanda na tayo magkikita tayo para sabihin you guys are my best friend and I will never strip you out of my sight. Well this is my way of saying how much I love and care for you guys and Thanks because I have you. Mwahmwah. kahit busy tayo with our careers and own dramas were still here I know that and this SCTEP inc. will always be together.

Care for another date?

aftermath

is this becoming a tradition or what? Not sleeping for 2 days during my bdays just like how I spent it last year...

Party for 2 full days, (of cors I spent 2 hours or so of it napping) after my office work on Sept 22, I went home to change and cook something for my family before me and Nyl went to Glorrieta for a night out with my college best friends. We ate at gerry's grill then went to Tin's place for a piñacolada session for me and my girls while the boys savoring a brandy session. we had fun, pictures and drama but all in all it was a blast having to welcome my 24th bday at the struck of 12 midnight with my college best friends.

we left Tin's place around 7am, we went to Becky's Kitchen and I bought Food for the Gods as a gift to myself, its one of my favorite pastry bars that I can eat the whole half box all myself and that contains 20 bars. :)

Slept for 2 hours I think then me, my mom, monic and leia went to puregolds to buy whatever we can cook for dinner for my guests. my choirmates, we had red spaghetti, carbonara, pork steak (laura's recipe), and buko pandan. Nyl bought a cake for me and so does ate jen, ate marj and ninang. I love cakes then I got 4 delicious flavors, actually only 3 because 2 of the cakes were ube macapuno. YUm! (they based the flavor with my favorite color. Purple) I also had a purple see through sando from ate dyesa (its like a lingerie) and then we filled the house with loud singing. me and my sisters sang our new National anthem and Nyl said I was like a Diva hahaha.

well everything was fun. I also love my charmed ones complete series courtesy of regine and ate malu. Monik gave me a bottle of my favorite scent, tatay gave me a year supply of Myra e and my sister leia and mama gave me a see through jelly strappy slipper. Ninang gave me a violet blouse. Nyl gave a bouquet of red roses and a cute silver bag.

I thought it wont be a happy birthday for me but my family and friends gave me the best to be happy. Just being there!

love you guys!

things i love in davao

been to davao last Sept 11 to 13. courtesy of my office, we went there for an international project, where Davao will be featured as the "city of charm."
I've been to Davao once before for Philippine Idol, we held our auditions at the waterfront insular hotel davao. I saw the Pearl Farm beach resort back then, that was 2006. last week when i was in davao I only saw the city but still the area fascinated me.

I love the food, they are all very tasty and affordable compared to the price range of food here in manila.
I love the jeepneys, they display the route to be taken of the public vehicle, for sure i wont get lost.
I love the taxi's with its two seater length of banner names.
I love the 0% crime rate. where the local government is actually feared by the citizens.
I love the clean streets and parks.
I love red peanuts with cheese.

and so many things that make me thing I want to live there. But still I love Manila's perfect imperfections.

dancing in the rain.

I danced in the rain last night. Yesterday, Sept. 8 was Mama Mary's bday and I was supposed to go to the church, see and greet her atleast, but my sister texted me asking if I could pick her up at her school. Being a loving ate, I obliged. :)

The rain is imminent and I don't have an umbrella or a jacket with me, but I don't mind, I am used to facing the wrath of the rain eversince I am a student. I'm a stubborn lass who always intentionally forget my 3-fold umbrella. :) When I arrived at her school in Makati the pavement was still dry but suddenly little drops started to pour in, I dont have a choice but to dock at the nearest store. While waiting it became a heavy downpour of water, and I am wet and cold all over. I used my charm to ask a fourth year girl to take me to the school gates because if I wont enter the school grounds, the things in my cloth bag including my cellphone and wallet would be soaking wet. I waited for my sister inside the school and as I wait I know the rain is flooding the streets. When atlast her classes were over, we went to the canteen and asked for plastics to secure our belongings. We walked in the rain as if were not getting wet :) I looked like I just came from a shower and didn't bother to dry myself. The flood is like the sea curling into the pedestrian lane everytime a vehicle pass by. We rode a bus up to Ayala, hoping we can catch a jeep going to PRC or Zapote but we continued strutting in the rain before we finally hailed a tricycle.

We're like children playing in the rain, laughing at the people we see and at the reactions that we get. It's a fun experience especially that I shared it with my sister. And it's good to feel like I was 8 again, not worrying about anything, hugging the dampness and the coldness of the rain even if I have to sacrifice the velvety mini skirt, white baby tee top, vest and yellow shoes that I thought I wore for fashion. But then again, I always believed that a shower of rain means blessings so I know that the rain is Mama Mary's way of gracing us with her love. :)

bouncing baby girl

my cuz gave birth na to Hailee Amidala Villanueva last Sept 2 at magka birthday sila, pareho pa sila na year of the rat exactly 24 years ang pagitan nilang magmudra. as in exact but not to the last minute dahil 4.15 am c sienna 4.55 pm nman c baby. Ako ang punong abala sa tabi habang naglalabor siya, di bale kinakantahan ko nman siya ng Happy birthday para maaliw siya. ibang klase talaga c God napaka ganda ng birthday gift nya kay sienna, isang healthy baby girl na makakasama niya till the rest of her life. kahit na jerk ang pudra ni baby at wala itong contribution sa paglaki ni hailee. Tanging sperm cell lang nya ang makapagsasabi na siya ang tatay ng bata pero otherwise ni isang bigkis wala siyang naibahagi, kahit pamasahe papunta sa doctor na pagchecheck up ni buntis wala din xa nabigay. :) Halata bang galit ako? Yah! i am uber pissed bakit xa pa ang naging father ng isang magandang bata, she'll grow tuloy na walang dad, sabagay marami ng ganung ngayon. Basta Hailee the family is here for you and your mom. Di ka namin pababayaan, I'll make sure na talented ka din katulad ng ninang mu, (dat's me). :)

Sa sobrang galit ko nga sa father ng bata eh hindi ako nanood ng kung fu panda. :) paano ang panget na yun na ang naalala ko pag nakakakita ako ng panda kasi he resembles one.

Pero strong naman si Cuz, habang si Dok ay tinanong xa kung kamusta na xa after the delivery of her first child amazing pa din ang sagot niya.

Dok: Oh Misis kamusta na pakiramdam mu.

Sienna: Miss pa po ako.

Hahahaha! applause talaga ako sa answer ni cuz. kahit hirap na hirap na sa sakit ng panganganak, isa lang ang motivation nya, kahit may anak na siya, Single pa din siya. It only goes to show that she is brave enough to stand for her child even if she's alone. I envy her for the coolness she handled the situation. Even if she got stinky and dirty, she really learned.

Amazing ang bilis ng panahon, January of this year, one month pregnant si cuz, tinext nya agad ako telling me na positive ang pregnancy test niya, dahil dun napainom pa kami ng mucho na red horse, sa takot at kaba sa pag amin na gagawin namin sa kanyang parents at sa buong pamilya. But I am proud I stood by her. Tapos everything follows, ako rin kasama niya sa first check up nya sa OBgyne. Gusto ko sana siyang bantayan sa process na kanyang pagbubuntis but our Tita Liane is also kind enough to accomodate her, Dun na siya nagtrabaho, nag ipon ng money at lakas at nag move on sa Cavite. Then nung September 2, bday nya kasama niya ako ulit habang naglalabor siya ng nakatayo, sabi namin habang naglalakad at naghihintay na lumabas ang baby, "parang kailan lang inaannounce natin na buntis ka, ngayon eto na makikita na natin xa." Comedy at taranta ang araw na yun, naka office attire na ko when i received a text message from Vrian (tito+tita ni hailee) c", mega bihis nman ako comfortable outfit tapos sugod agad sa hospital. Alarming ang panganganak, facial expression ni Sienna made me feel na katakot naman pag ako ang nasa sitwasyon nya, pero ang manganak sa isang government hospital ay nightmare pala. Imagine her naglalabor na nakatayo, as in sobrang sakit daw pero papayuhan na maglakad lakad para umabot sa 10 cm ang opening then makalabas na si baby.

Gusto ko lang ishare how inspiring that day was for me, kahit nagmuka daw ako probinsiyana bitbit ang malalaking bag habang ayan na at lalabas na si baby mega assist ako kay sienna, masaya pa din ako kasi masasabi ko na I am part the child's growth from her mothers womb up until wherever destiny will lead her. :)

redesigned.

ang saya, finally na customize ko pa ng husto ang aking blogging haven. now complete with other elements pa like slideshows, blog list, at mejo nabibigyan ko na din ng kulay with my photos (hehehe) wid photos and new lay outs na din. :-)

You can see my online resume at www.phiayater.blogspot.com
It's still under construction but very available for viewing.

my birthday month is here again.

September 8, 08 - updates

one week after i wrote my september wishes blog. dami nnman happening, my sister suffered an injury haay.. wawa naman xa.

on the other hand may happy news din, my cousin sienna gave birth last Sept 2, b-day nya yun kasi kami ni Sienna ang september tandem ng pamilya Villanueva, now may dagdag pang isa. Her child, my inaanak, wala dad si Hailee Amidala Villanueva, pero she doesn't need a jerk dad when she have lots of mom's and tita's like me, my sisters and my cousins plus the whole clan as well.

tapos mejo narerealize ko i have a very troubled friend. she is introducing me as her best friend pero dami nya pretentions and lies na sinasabi sa amin ng aming college best friends. nakakalungkot kasi true friends should serve as your solstice in time of crisis diba, pero how can she take na pati sa amin magsinungaling. hmmmmm

stressed yata ako. very new sa akin dahil im supposed to be a jolly person. although people surrounding me might not feel it, i can feel it in myself, lucky for me may isang tao na nafefeel nya na wala talga ako sa mood, "nyl" does that for me. kaya lang isa rin siya sa iniisip ko maybe that's why he can feel it, kasi he's one of the reasons. hehehe o ako lang nagbibigay ng problem sa sarili ko. hindi ko alam.

as for my wishes, here's the next batch of wishes that I would really love to have.

7. gumaling na si leia. I want to see her na masigla ulit, di takot gumalaw, di madalas umiyak at ang kanyang tawa na puno ng buhay.

8. A day-out, sana vacation kaya lang parang imposible so kahit na day-out na lang. trip to tagaytay, corregidor, o kahit san lang na makakapagrelax ako, away from the hsutle and bustle of the city.

9. gusto ko ng kasiguraduhan. matanggap ang mga dapat at malaman kung anu ba talaga ang GUSTO KO. Even writing this blog is hard for me. Di nman ako materialistic kaya puro kababawan lang ang mga sinasabi ko pero deep inside im delving into deep waters.

10. para nman wish na alam kong baka friends ko ang makabigay. complete series na lang ng charmed. :)
___________________________________________________________

it's the first day of September and it's my birthday month again. My August wasn't such a hit but it's still a happy month.

Siyempre my birthday month entitles me to write another wish list. hahaha. i just want to make this traditional, like last year I wrote one and I got SOME of my wishes. :)

I can't believe na mag 12 na ko this year :0

ok seriously now, anu kaya ang manguyayari sa pagpasok ng aking 24th year.

rewind tayo... Anu b nangyari nung 23 ako?

ahm, ang dami kong offers na di ko alam if its opportunity wasted o right decision.
2. na regular nman ako kaya carry na din.
3. nag loan ako sa pag-ibig so finally a property under my name ay pinoprocess na and dapat magtipid para mabayaran ang utang. :)
4. masaya naman ang lovelife dami up's and downs pero masaya naman kahit maraming confusions haba pa din ang hair ko. (innistretch ko kasi)
5. restless. parang on the go ako lagi. nakakahingal pero ok lang ngayon maging fast pace ang life ko at the prime of my youth. :)

Dami ngyari yung iba ayaw ko na alalahanin, yung iba I know kahit kalimutan ko maalala ko pa din.

enough with the drama...

wish list na para d nman ako makatulog sa pagsusulat. pero I know I have to be careful on what i wish for yan ay based sa novel that i just recently finished. "wink"

1st wish
peace of mind. tama pang miss universe ang dating ng first wish ko. feeling ko kasi nstress na ko lately eh. kailngan ko ng nirvana.

2. 3 days na tulog, parang from good friday to easter sunday, maging sleeping beauty lang ako, para malaman ko na ulit meaning ng rest.

3. white icing cake o caramel cake. hehe layo from my first two wishes. pero gusto ko lang ng cake sabi nga ni leia, "Hindi mu birthday pag wala kang cake!"

4. mag enchanted kingdom! kasama ang mga sis ko o kaya c... cnu? secret basta dapat may kasama ako. :)

5. sana this time makumpleto ko na meron na ako ng 1,2, 4 and 7. ng hARRY POTTER, friends 3,5 and 6 na lang po.

6. sidney sheldon, or other interesting reads pa. :)

(will update isip pa aketch!)

Ber na, meri mismas na din hihihi.

try uli...

Habang nakahiga ako sa aming sofa at nanonood ng TV tinatapos ko din ang isang novel na actually matagal ko ng nasimulan. unang basa ko ng The mermaids chair ni sue monk kidd medyo nabigatan ako kaya huminto akala ko nabore ako o masyado akong na ewan (d q alam na feel q) sa intimate affair ng isang girlalu sa isang monk. tapos ayun narealize ko sayang naman ang book kung d q itutuloy eh nakuha ko lang ng libre sa office yun, sayang ang mga literary moments na lagi ko pa nman hinahanap so sabi ko for the sake of art tatapusin ko. Sinamantala ko na may sakit ako kahapon kaya binasa ko na, naisip ko nabigatan lang ako nung una kasi may sarili akong worries na iniisip ayoko ng dalhin ang isipin ng character hehe. pero kahapon habang may sakit ako binasa ko na lahat. Ayun ok nman pala sad lang talaga siya at mabigat sa puso dahil sa mga emotional baggage na dala ng characters therefore kung anu ano ang ginawa nila sa sarili nila. ung bida naki affair sa monk samantalang gwapo daw ang asawa yung mother nya nag dismembr ng daliri and kung anu ano pa.

moral of the story: wag itago ang mga bagay na baka pagsisihan in the future, kung may dapat sabihin sabihin na agad mahirap pag naipon, ang hirap kaya mag recollect ng sarili... un lang po

pa-try lang!

Ngayon pa lang ako magsusulat ng Tagalog, ay hindi sa GMA 7 para sa Liga ng Kababaihan may nasulat akong konting segments at para din sa I love Philippine idol ng ABC 5 may ilang episodes din na kasama ang script ko.

Kaya lang pakiramdam ko hindi ako marunong magsulat ng Tagalog o baka maarte lang ako kaya laging English at Taglish ang kadramaham ng mga sinusulat ko. :)

Naisip ko tuloy sa bago kong office, lahat ng PR, collaterals at kung anu ano pa na sinusulat ko araw-araw english ang gamit ko. (xempre, foreigner and gusto naming makabasa ng mga ito) Dapat pala pag nagblog ako minsan Tagalog naman para masanay ako. :) hahabol na ako sa Buwan ng Wika ngayong Agosto at susulat ng mga Blog na tagalog. Huli man daw at magaling maihahabol din.

Haha! Sa totoo lang hindi naman talaga Buwan ng Wika ang inspirasyon ko, siguro naiinggit lang ako, binasa ko kasi ang blog ni Sir Perci, dati kong boss sa ABC 5, naaliw ako kaya basa ako ng basa tapos nakita ko pa yung link ng blogsite ni Mr. Jun Lana. ayun naaliw pa lalo ako tama yung title ni sir Perci sa link (blog ni Jun na sobrang galing!). Binasa ko from start to finish walang mabigat na topic, lahat magaan at nakakatawang basahin. korek! nakakatawa as in Tumatawa ako mag isa habang nagbabasa buti na lang sanay na mga officemates ko na lagi akong tumatawa, hindi nila iisiping naaning na ako. Naisip ko tuloy sana may biglang pumasok sa isip ko na ganito tapos susulat ko din. para maiba naman hindi puro nararamdaman ko laman ng blog ko pwede din nman observation at kung anu-ano pa.

namiss ko din yung industriya na dati akong kasama, ngayon kahawig ng konti pero iba pa din ang linya. :(

Haaaay! Hindi ko alam kung nagddrama ako o inggitera lang talaga ako. :( :)

the wedding digest

This is my very first article that was published on a glossy magazine! :)

^laughs^ have fun reading! posted it just to share the excitement I felt when I saw my name on a different circulation rather than websites and newspapers. :)

You can catch the whole mag at any National Bookstore or other bookshops.

See the Wedding digest
:)Just click on the pages so you can read the whole piece :)

in between stress, laughter and hangover

After hectic work schedules and deadly deadlines of concepts and articles comes stress, and what do I do to soothe the nagging feeling of “I want to leave my Job because its stressing me out” is a nice hot or cold drink from my ultimate coffee shop - the coffee bean and tea leaf at the Robinsons Place Manila. After the consumption of a satisfying drink and a partner pastry, I am on back on my mood again. Happy to write about lots of things and even work related stuffs, my coffee bean is a certified stress reliever.

In the middle of stress and coffee comes the best part of the week – Thursday. Me and my best of friends were enjoying a routine we have been doing for almost a year now, meeting and coffee-ing (if there is such a word) at our favorite Coffee bean branch. We tagged it as the Thursday Club. We update ourselves of the weeks adventure and mishaps, its what we consider the secret brew of our friendship, constantly being there and always having time for one another.

After refreshing coffee and chat sessions we then go to other hang outs for a taste of alcohol and when we are full of it there is only one place that can sober us up, of course its still our coffee bean.

prophecy or hoax?

E-mails, sites and other circulations are quickly spreading on the net about how future events were foretold by a Brazilian named Juseleeno Nobulega da Roose. Some of the infamous predictions that he made were the death of Princess Diana and the Indonesia-tsunami catastrophe that killed thousands.

And included in his list of predictions which by the way he dreamt with precise date and place is the July 18 2008, 8.1 earthquake in the Philippines. To top it all some seismic activities were now being experienced in the country like last sunday night and just this morning. Whew! I don't know if those were proofs that something big will come or it's just coincidence.

dont really know whether to believe it or not, haaay I just pray that its a hoax. by the looks of his predictions it seems that a series of chaotic events were about to happen on the next few years up to the year 2014 that would almost wipe out the entire human race. Scary!

haaaay! well I just want to be ready. there's no harm in taking extra precautionary measures right?

i miss blogging!

been ages since I last blogged and i missed it. but actually i dont have anything to say just want to blog again and savor the feeling hehe.

carrie bradshaw

Answered this who among the sex and city vixen are you in the blogthings site (everyhting about quizzes) and i got...

You Are Most Like Carrie!
You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what!Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...Totally different from any guy you've dated.

I am really looking forward to this prediction.

Sucess!

Finally! i fell in and out of love with a Jerk! i almost thought that i would not live to see this day, that time will come and pass and my heart will still long for this one person. But now the dreaming is over and i cant describe how much relief not to be imprisoned to him once and for all. Hmmmm after everything that he'd done I saw his true face only just now, dont need to elaborate more all i know is I am sure now that I am finally free. Geroff me and mah sisters!

Thanks but no thanks!

Hint! read among my blogs and see Mementos of your Existence! i was still a fool when I wrote that. Now all i need to do is concentrate on my choosing game!

TORN

Feeling like a fool

I am like Rapunzel with my long dark hair…

Or maybe I’m a schizophrenic with my two altering personalities…

Can also be a surfer riding two waves…

Haaaaay, simply put I am torn between two lovers kaya nga feeling like a fool ang drama ko ngayon.

I have two suitors with almost the same come on lines to entice me to love them, but this is not a long hair feeling anymore. Pressure, pressure and pressure. Para akong na trap sa loob ng pressure cooker!

I sometimes wish I’d rather not chose. They are both persistent on what they claim as their feelings for me but I can’t seem to decide on what to do.

All I need is a love that can knock me off my feet but how if I always end up getting bored, looking for more when actually it’s all presented in my face. Darn this heart sure has a way of confusing my thoughts. I am a mind person I decide with my mind and not with my heart but both can’t seem to settle on one.

thoughts of the the day...

David Cook is the latest American Idol

Always thought that he would bag the title after I fell in love with his rendition of Always be my Baby. Cook has this certain charisma that pulls me towards his singing style, I was never fond of watching idol not because I don’t like it but I always choose to sit and read than watch but David Cook really made me listen.

now on the other side of things...

For sometime now words rarely comes by. I feel like a bold writer, with empty thoughts. The precious language that is my bread and butter also my own mode of entertainment seldom leaves my tired brains.

Wonder what happened to my writer self.

It's Just my eyes. Really!

since i was child, people are sometimes hesitant to approach me. their usual first impression is that I am Mataray (snob). well im not it's just my eyes, an eye for movie or TV kontrabida's (antagonists) but not in real life. i am easy and fun to be with, sometimes a little frank or noisy but not snob!

Ploning: A tearjerker

Yes I cried, as always my tear gland was active when I watched Ploning, a movie shot entirely at the beautiful place of Cuyo, Palawan.

The movie is a fusion of timelines, the marrying of the past and present. Candidly showing the difference of the two eras were the changing colors and video textures reiterates the switching of time, the past is a colorful place while the present is plain scenery. Generally, the cinematography is superb, capturing vivid expressions from the performers and scenic beauty of the location.

Judy Ann is at her best once again; with spoken lines fewer than usual and delivered in a different dialect she was still able to reach my heart. Well its not only Judy Ann who should be commended everybody played their part well. The characters of Mylene, Merryl and Judy Ann entails different types of Filipinas, I for one see myself as Celeste (Mylene) who projected an intimidating persona, acting like no one can hurt her even if her heart is bruised.

It’s not only the superb acting and cinematography that should be commended, the story is simple but very imaginative not to mention that the movie garnered 11 votes as a rated A movie out of 16 jury’s.

Sad but viewers don’t go for Ploning; at least that’s my observation on the opening of the screening. Only fellow followers of Indie films and those who truly understand the art behind it were there to watch. I don’t know if it’s the marketing of SM that’s lacking or it’s the poor viewers choice. One couple even misread the font as Cloning rather than Ploning and mistook it as a horror film. What a Horror for a classic film.

Recently, the movie is catching up in the box office, raking viewers who watched because of the A rating, various movie reviews and the controversy between ABS and Juday. Quite a turn of events but good since it fell to Ploning’s advantage,

All in all I think more people should see the movie to again raise the bar of Philippine cinematic excellence.

b-o-r-e-d-o-m

"nakakatamad" is my usual retort...

dont know whats happening to me, i dont usually feel bored coz my calling is always to be at the height of action. but these past few days after i recovered on a month long coughing series i usually end up bored, reluctant to do things and just sit on a corner and read. waaaah action is eluding me and i hate it.

luckily my heart is at rest now for ditching the heartache. im not against him or anything just want to feel free and savour the moment of singlehood.

concept i learned today...

for artistic people doing what you truly desire sometimes clash with what can bring food on the table... its like feed your soul by following your artistic side but to stay in the game you have to endure mainstream projects to feed you stomach. Sad!

is it true that arts and money dont go together? not in most occasions but in the movie industry especially in the Philippines i think it does.

Me to the next level...

Time is ticking and as the mid part of the year enters another chapter on my life is about to unfold. I know things are drastically changing now cause I can feel it and I’m enjoying SOME of it but nevertheless I am really welcoming a change of state come this 2nd week of May.

I hope things will work out right and soon I know I will be holding enormous responsibility so I truly hope that there will be a room for my plans to take further studies. (Written April 25, 08)

(Cont. May 2, 08) But fate is really giving its toll on me I’m confused whether I’ll pursue it or not. Don’t know which is the better option and I only have a week to decide whew!!! HAVE TO DRAFT AN EXTENSION email or sorry to decline but duh I just can’t make up my mind!!!

I sought advice from a friend and here’s what he told me “mahirap talga ang mamili” but as long as you’re happy why leave? I guess it’s really my restless self that recklessly gave in and now I’m burdened and troubled on what offer to accept. It’s a good problem though but I want to make the most out of it, like what I would chose is where I would really excel, where I would truly be happy and needless to say the one that would truly suit me. So many things to consider so many factors to think about but there’s only one prevailing decision that I have to come up the soonest time. And what is it? I don’t know I really don’t know! Haaay!

But what’s worth is that I am really enjoying the changes I see…

Mementos of your existence…

You’re not a dream after all for I have once again felt the warmth of your touch… I have yearned for this moment and I’m glad it came. I will treasure these keepsakes that you left and it will serve as my reminder that there is still sunshine after the long dark hours that you left me alone.

I’m disillusioned for even if we spent some time together again I know you’re no longer mine. I feel and fear that it doesn’t go deeper than that. It wasn’t meant to rekindle the fire it happened simply just to ignite a spark then it will turn to ashes once more. Still I want to express my gratitude for these recollections that I can take with me wherever faith would lead me.

Our love was like a ghost, a remnant of the past.
Tangible at first but now it only lingers so we can remember.

Even for a vague possibilty I hope everything will still be right...

but i know it wont happen so goodbye would be the best...

then my heart could finally rest...

What You have Done

What Have You done Survey!
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it – YES
09. Hugged a tree - Yes
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea – While riding a Super Ferry yes!
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - Yes
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game – Yes PBA Finals hehe!
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables – yes
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars - Yes
20. Changed a baby's diaper – yes with my sisters
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (gotten drunk but not with a champagne)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope - yes
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment – All the time hehehe
27. Had a food fight - yes
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can – yes all the time din
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster – yes its fun
35. Hit a home run – yes nung HS pag vacant time hahaha!
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking- yes care ko sa nakikinood!
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day – yes happy time with sisters
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment – im always happy
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends – YES Super true
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe – yes o diba been to Europe (Germany and Amsterdam)
47. Taken a road-trip - yes
48. Gone rock climbing Love to pero hindi pa huhuhu talon talon lang sa rocks ng majayjay
49. Midnight walk on the beach - yes Puerto galera
50. Gone sky diving51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love – yes sad to say!
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them - Yes
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero – ALWAYS pati characters ako na gumawa hahaha
58. Sung karaoke OF COURSE – d palalampasin kahit in public pa
59. Lounge around in bed all day - YES
60. Posed nude in front of strangers – in front of sisters lang eh
61. Gone scuba diving – snorkeling lang
62. Kissed in the rain - yes
63. Played in the mud - yes
64. Played in the rain - yes
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business – yes super mini lang
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken – hindi pa SANA lang may ganun
69. Toured ancient sites – bahay ni rizal hahaha
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie – yes hobby yan
74. Crashed a party75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo – henna lang eh
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert" – as a staff lang hehehe
83. Got flowers for no reason - YES
84. Performed on stage - ofcourse
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music – Yes sa recorder hehehe
87. Eaten shark (shark's fin!) – parang hehe
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand – airport lang hehe stopover to and from Germany
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship – if Super ferry is considered Yes!
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking - YES
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication not a large publication but for the WEB din
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart - YES
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone - Yes
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse _ YES
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet – my cousins pet but I took care of it for a while
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi - yes
128. Had your picture in the newspaper – YES school publication and Inquirer when I was a child for a school occasion and my name was on it!
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about - yes
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – helped killed a chicken and ate it
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language - Yes
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair - yes
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life
I’ll update this after 10 YEARS HEHE!

passionate lines

Tu justificas mi existencia
si no te conozco,
no he vivido si muero sin concocerte, no muero, porque no he vivido.

You have justified my existence
If I do not know you, I have not lived
If I would die without knowing you, I will not die, because I have never lived.

Read this on a cyber friend’s blog. It’s a poem from Luis Ceruda a Spanish writer. When I first read it I just cant take off its meaning on my mind. The meaning is deep but its just there. Its been long since I wrote a blog but this short poem made me write again.

i've been pondering about this...

Stability vs. Opportunity
If you have the option to move forward would you prefer to be left behind?

Opportunity comes every once in a while to those who work their ass off to achieve their goals and when it does be sure to grab it or suffer being lag behind. Opportunity comes in various forms; it might be a better compensation package or a chance to travel and many others but in order to get this of course you have some sacrifices to make.

Stability is when you are very relaxed with your current environment, your coworkers are all your friends and you have a work that requires no pressure at all. In short you are just stagnant since you already hold a regular position.

Sometimes it’s just the fear of having to build a name for your self again that inhibits movement.

Risks are always there to take and opportunity is one of them. It is a risk you have to take to be able to advance. Holding on to a dear position or a regular title doesn’t mean you have to stay and disregard new chances that come along.

My stand is: Don’t be afraid to start again especially if it will land you on a better position. ^haaay^

…I know someone who bluntly preferred Stability than accepting a new offer but he constantly blab on the mistreatment they are currently receiving. How come he’s never doing something about it and still considers himself stable?… ^ironic^